Chinese Pre-Wedding Customs

Posted by Jan

May 21, 2008

With the discussion of the dowry with my parents, a new question sparked in my head: So when exactly should all these gifts exchange take place? In addition, my friends have asked me a question that I have no answer to: Are you going to do the hair combing ceremony? Why a hair combing ceremony? It’s not like I don’t comb my hair everyday. Anyways, so out of curiosity, I looked up answers to these questions.

Apparently, in the old old days there are a lot of customs involved in the pre-wedding period. From request for marriage to choosing the lucky date for both the betrothal and dowry exchange, each step plays an important part that all leads up to the big day. Here is a list of the Chinese pre-wedding customs and how they fit in for my wedding. For more detail information visit the references at the end of the post.

Looking up Auspicious Dates - Well, Al’s parent picked 3 dates, one in July and two in August. For the dates in August, one is unlucky for Year of the Monkey and the other is unlucky for Year of the Rooster. So we picked the date in July as Al (Monkey) and I (Rooster) can’t use the dates from August. Another thing I had to make sure was that my wedding date can’t be on the same month as my parent’s birth date (according to the Chinese calendar). My mom never really explained to me why but the date we picked work out so it wasn’t something I had to worry about. It would be annoying since there aren’t that many “lucky days” that falls on a Saturday during the month of July and August.

Betrothal (過大禮) - I think we’d do ours about 1 - 2 months before our wedding date when things are not as busy.

Bride’s Dowry - Return Gifts (女家回禮) - I think my parents would most likely be giving a red pocket, food and wine for the gifts instead of items. As we’re moving in with Al’s parents and we won’t be needing many of the traditional bride’s dowry items.

Installing the Bridal Bed (安床) - We’re definitely not doing this.

Hair Combing Ceremony - I’m not sure about this part yet. I don’t even know who would help me do this aside from my mom.

Return to the Bride’s home (on the 3rd day after the wedding date) - I couldn’t find much information on English site about this so here’s a brief summary. The newly weds are supposed to return to the bride’s home on the 3rd day of their marriage to let her parents know that she is doing well. Along with this visit, the couple will bring a whole roasted pig and other gifts such as fruits and wine. In the old days, brides don’t get to return to her parents home very often, especially if the groom’s house is very far away (like another village) so this is seen as an important step in the custom as it could be the last time the bride can see her parents.

We are planning to do this on the same day as the wedding day, which is a very common practice nowadays. When I do the tea ceremony at Al’s places we’ll have a groomsmen and a bridesmaid deliver the roasted pig and gifts to my place. Our house is only 7 minutes drive apart so I’ll be seeing my parents plenty of time after the marriage. Still need to check with parents for permission first thought.

Resources:
For auspicious dates in 2008, check out Sally So’s website (English)
Chinese pre-wedding customs from Wikipedia (English)
Chinese Wedding Customs (中式婚禮) (Chinese)